Over the weekend I had two former classmates get engaged. They weren’t the first of my friends to get engaged but their news popped up on my facebook timeline at about the same time so I took notice. My initial reaction was, “aww how cute”. And then I started flipping through pictures to see the ring and wishing them well via a wall post. And then it began to dawn on me, this is real life. This is adulthood.
Now of course I know that I’m an adult. I’ve graduated from undergrad and I’m now pursuing my master’s degree. But being in school almost isolates you from the real world. Especially since I have literally been in school for the past 17 years. Wow. That’s a really long time when I say it like that. Sheesh. Anyways. Although I’m an “adult,” I’m still heavily supported by my parents, attend classes two days a week, and have upgraded from a student assistant position to a graduate assistant. Which means I make a couple more dollars an hour, but they throw in healthcare and a tuition stipend as well. But when I saw my friends engagement posts it really hit me. My classmates have full-time jobs now. They’re pursuing their careers. They’re paying taxes, getting married and changing their last names. Supporting their spouses and starting families. When did this happen?!?
Due to the fact that I’ve stayed in my “academic bubble” and none of my close friends have gotten married, I have been able to live in this stage of denial. But now that people close to me are starting to take the big leap to adulthood it’s starting to make me anxious. Happy for them of course, but anxious for what the future holds. What will I do when I graduate in two years? Where will I be? What will life be like? God willing I’m still alive to see that time.
Sometimes I just wish I could get a sneak peek on the future. Mainly because I’m a control freak, I’ve come to realize. Yet, even though I would love to plan out where I will be in the next 3 years, due to prior experience in trying to get too far ahead of myself, I have come to realize that no matter how much I try to plan things out, God always has the final say. Always. And as frustrating as it may be, which it really is, all I can do is pray, wait and see.