That Damn Little Red Light

I hate this feeling. Sitting. Waiting for that little red light to start flashing only to be disappointed when you discover that it’s flashing for the wrong reason.

Yep, that light. So I’ve been talking to this gentleman for a few months now (Of course I’m waiting for a man) and I haven’t really heard from him the past few days, which is unusual considering we talk every day throughout the day. So of course I tried to play it calm at first. He’s busy. It’s only been a day. Distract yourself. So around 4:58p today I decided to send him a text, “Hope all is well with u.” Nice enough. What the text really meant though was ‘Umm, hello?!? I know you aren’t ignoring me!” And the last bit of the text showed some of my frustration. The ‘u’ part that is. It’s very subtle but anyone that knows me knows that I do not text in short hand. I hate the way it looks and I interpret it as meaning that you don’t want to waste any letters on me. Crazy? Yes I know. But we all have our little quirks. So I added my little ‘u’ to somewhat show my frustration. He probably thought nothing of it (if he even saw the text) but it made me feel better. So the minutes ticked by. An episode of Cake Boss, two episodes of Seinfeld and 30 minutes of American Idol later and STILL no response. So I began to plan my next move.

Now I’ve learned from previous experience not to jump to conclusions. For example, in a previous relationship I had a guy who didn’t text me for 3 days! By day 3 you can guess that I was pretty much cursing him out via text and telling him that he didn’t care about me and that I was done. That’s when I got the text back where he apologized to me and told me that his best friend had been found murdered and that he was trying to help the police with the investigation. Yea. Let’s just say I felt like the biggest bitch in the world. I don’t even remember what I said in response. Probably something along the lines of sorry but in that situation sorry just wasn’t going to cut it. So I learned my lesson and now I tend to take the worst case scenario approach. Well, more like the middle road, because I tried the worst case scenario approach one night and damn near called the police to see if there had been any accidents that night. So I decided to tread lightly with this one. Which leads me to a suggestion for phone companies. An undo button. Gmail has one and it has saved me many a time. So I send one more text, “Are you made at me? What’s going on?” After sending it I realized the tone of the text sounds panicky and quite frankly a little desperate. But at that point there was nothing I could do about it. So now I wait. feeling like Ginnifer Goodwin’s character from He’s Just Not That Into You when she waited for that guy to call her.

Blashpemy!! My phone just rang….it was a wrong number. *sigh*

~T

60 sounds better than 57

So yesterday I happened to stumble upon the Coach website (Ha! Yea right, I was shopping) and discovered their guest bloggers page. I’d seen it before but their newest featured blogger really caught my attention. For one the bags she was photographed with were gorgeous! I immediately put them in my Wish List (Shopping Cart) and planned how many meals I would have to skip in order to buy one of them with its pretty little $1200 price tag. Yes I know! Ridiculous. But a girl can dream. Anyhow I navigated to her website/blog and noticed the other reason why she caught my eye. She is also a J. Crew addict fan. By the way here’s her site: www.mystylepill.com I have already added it to my Bookmarks.

I looked at how she was wearing her clothes and it inspired me. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t look in my closet and say that I have nothing to wear, which is a lie because I have 2 (Yea I said it) 2 walk in closets. One for tops, skirts, and dresses, and the other for sweaters and jackets. Needless to say I have plenty to wear. Not only that but I have just about every staple item you are supposed to have. Black pencil skirts, black pumps, beige pumps, riding boots, ankle booties, cardigans, peacoats, utility jackets, etc. Although I don’t have a bomber jacket or a leather jacket. However due to the fact that I live in Florida, it’s not at the top of my priority list.

So in any case, I decided to do inventory on my closet. AKA, reorganize it. I had always hear that you should store your shoes in the boxes to keep them looking new and fresh. While it is a great idea and does keep them looking new, that’s probably due largely in part to the fact that you forget they are in the box and therefore forget to wear them. So I decided to nix the boxing strategy and organize all of my shoes in the bottom of my closet. I assumed they would take up  one side and that I would use the other side for my handbags, which let me just say that I have a lot of handbags, and expensive ones. Coach should be grateful to have a consumer such as my self.

Anywho, I started lining up all of my shoes. And I must say I have a pretty nice shoe collection, and lots of heels. It’s funny because I don’t wear heels very often. Probably because the office I work in is pretty casual and not that my heels are fancy but, well, they’re not casual. In any case, I have a shoe for ALMOST any occasion. When I finally finished lining up and organizing my shoes this is what I was left with.

Shoes, Shoes, Shoes...

Boots and flats on one side…

Stillettos, Pumps, Slingbacks, Oh My!

And heels for days on the other. 57 pair! 57 pairs of shoes!! I could wear a different pair EVERY WEEK and I would only have worn each pair once in an entire year!! What would my father say. He probably wouldn’t say anything, just shake his head and ask me why I needed so many pairs or where I was going to need so many different kinds. If I ever say that I have no shoes to wear with an outfit I am LYING! Although I have been eyeballing this pair of brown oxfords at Nordstrom by Steve Madden. Oxfords are a staple shoe right? And besides. 60 sounds better than 57 anyways ;).

 

~T

Winter Wonderland!

I successfully completed my first semester of graduate school!!! And let me just say that it sucked. But when I submitted my final 22-page paper, it felt great. So now that the semester is over and the year is coming to an end I have time to reflect.

2010….wow…wow…WOW! I’m not sure if those are good wow’s or bad. So much happened in this year. Started of the year trying to figure out what to do with my life between applying to grad schools and applying for jobs. Met a guy, fell in love, then fell out of love and learned a lot about myself in the process. Heard the word “No” and “Denied” more than I’d ever heard before. Learned how to deal with that and move as well. Travelled to two, no, THREE foreign countries. Went to Mexico for Spring Break, Studied Abroad in London for a month! And even visited a friend in Paris while I was there. Oh and I graduated from THE best university, THE University of Texas at Austin with two Bachelors degrees. Then I began my next adventure in Florida at the University of Central Florida to work on my Master’s.

Blessed doesn’t even begin to describe my year. I also learned some very valuable life lessons during this year as well. I guess I’ll just list them as the LESSONS OF 2010.

LESSONS OF 2010

1. Know thyself.

I know that is a no-brainer, but every once in a while we fall off the wagon. For me, I found myself in this relationship and begin to lose sight of who I was and my needs, hopes, and dreams. Towards the end of it, I had to chose between a job in TX and grad school hear in FL. And I must say that deciding to come to FL was the best decision I could have made. Sometimes I wonder how things would be had I stayed in TX, but at the end of the day, me coming out to FL helped me rediscover myself and see how strong of a person I am.

2. Get used to rejection

As someone who hardly ever hears no, I must admit that hearing the word is very difficult. Especially when it involves matters of your future and comes in multiples. I went through a rough period of uncertainty and even questioned God earlier this year. What exactly was God trying to do, trying to tell me. Doesn’t God want me to be happy and successful? I had to learn that what I want is not always what I need and what is good for me, and that sometimes those rejections are pointing me in the direction of something else.

3. Take Chances

I had considered studying abroad for a while and decided to finally squeeze it in at the end of my college career in the form of a Maymester. It was the perfect idea because although it was tied to a class, I didn’t need it to graduate. So I was basically on vacation in London for a month. It truly opened my eyes to the vastness of the world. I know that the world is a huge place, but you never truly understand until you are across the Atlantic experiencing another country where the U.S. isn’t the center of everything. It was fascinating to see how people behave in other countries as well as how they are run and different cultural norms. It also made me appreciate the uncertainty of time. Time is not guaranteed to any of us, and while it is good to make plans for the distant future (I’m going back to London in 2012), it’s also important to live in the present and explore and experience new things at every opportunity.

4. Appreciate your friends

I always say that I have few but very high quality friends. When I moved to FL and had to deal with being alone and newly single, my friends were the main reason that I made it through. They dealt with every crying phone call or depressed and self-pitying text message. And especially to my new friend who couldn’t have entered my life at a better time and made my transition a lot less difficult. I am so grateful for each of them, and so happy to consider them not just my friends but my family members.

5. Reflect

This last one is something that I am currently working on. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that we don’t even stop to look around and reflect on our lives and how far we’ve come. This time 5 years ago, I had submitted all of my college applications and was anxiously anticipating graduation and being a college freshman! Now I’m working on my Master’s degree. I’ve had the opportunity to meet some really amazing and inspiring people and I’ve gotten to see some of the world in such little time. If this is what the last 5 years was like, I can’t wait to experience the next 5 years.

-T

As the Semester Ends, the Work Begins

It’s hard to believe that I have all but finished my first semester of graduate school. I have no more face-to-face class sessions and must now spend the next two-three weeks writing papers and book chapters. As I’m writing all these papers (more like brainstorming and trying to fight writers block) I get to look back on everything I have learned this semester.

 

It’s funny because upon entering grad school I really had no expectations for what it would be like. I had hear things like you’ll never get less than a B. The structure of the classes are a lot different because the professors like teaching and everyone who is there wants to be there. Also I wasn’t sure how to feel about being in such a small program and cohort. My cohort has about 24 students and we will all traverse this grad school experience together all the way through until graduation. Everything you learn is important. And everything you learn needs to be retained for Comps next fall.

 

It’s interesting to see how far things have come from several months ago when I was not in a very good place upon starting this program. But I have sense found myself again and I feel invigorated and even more ambitious then ever before. The possibilities are endless! When one door closes, another opens. And so far, I am enjoying everything God is showing me.

 

🙂

 

Oh, Well Hello Adulthood

Over the weekend I had two former classmates get engaged. They weren’t the first of my friends to get engaged but their news popped up on my facebook timeline at about the same time so I took notice. My initial reaction was, “aww how cute”. And then I started flipping through pictures to see the ring and wishing them well via a wall post. And then it began to dawn on me, this is real life. This is adulthood.

 

Now of course I know that I’m an adult. I’ve graduated from undergrad and I’m now pursuing my master’s degree. But being in school almost isolates you from the real world. Especially since I have literally been in school for the past 17 years. Wow. That’s a really long time when I say it like that. Sheesh. Anyways. Although I’m an “adult,” I’m still heavily supported by my parents, attend classes two days a week, and have upgraded from a student assistant position to a graduate assistant. Which means I make a couple more dollars an hour, but they throw in healthcare and a tuition stipend as well. But when I saw my friends engagement posts it really hit me. My classmates have full-time jobs now. They’re pursuing their careers. They’re paying taxes, getting married and changing their last names. Supporting their spouses and starting families. When did this happen?!?

 

Due to the fact that I’ve stayed in my “academic bubble” and none of my close friends have gotten married, I have been able to live in this stage of denial. But now that people close to me are starting to take the big leap to adulthood it’s starting to make me anxious. Happy for them of course, but anxious for what the future holds. What will I do when I graduate in two years? Where will I be? What will life be like? God willing I’m still alive to see that time.

 

Sometimes I just wish I could get a sneak peek on the future. Mainly because I’m a control freak, I’ve come to realize. Yet, even though I would love to plan out where I will be in the next 3 years, due to prior experience in trying to get too far ahead of myself, I have come to realize that no matter how much I try to plan things out, God always has the final say. Always. And as frustrating as it may be, which it really is, all I can do is pray, wait and see.

 

I’m Not OK

So last night while making a trip to the grocery store, I found my self in the fruits and veggies section crying my eyes out as I was deciding between nectarines and peaches. I’d realized that I had put on a brave face over my recent move and break-up and as opposed to properly dealing with it, I tried to run from it, literally.

 

Every morning I wake up, take my dog out and then go for a run. The crappier I feel in the morning the longer I run. Then I come home, take a shower, run any errands I have, and then read while watching some movie and then fall asleep and repeat the same thing the next day. But for some reason I was bombarded by feelings of loneliness and abandonment. The fact that I really am alone out here, in this strange city, and about to get my butt kicked by grad school. While having my breakdown I was having two separate conversations with some girlfriends. One was telling me to enjoy the alone time and how much she enjoyed her alone time. I very much enjoy alone time, but I think it’s the fact that if I wanted to go and see a movie or grab dinner with someone, I would have no one to call.

 

I know I’m not the only person to move to a completely new city (not including for undergraduate college) and not know anyone. And I know that when I graduate from here, I will be doing it again. So if I can’t handle it now, how will I handle it in 2 years. To make matters worse, it doesn’t help when I see all of my old friends out and about having fun with each other back in Texas or Virginia. It makes me wonder why I left my friends and support system behind. But that is exactly why I left those places.

 

I chose to go to an out-of-state school for Undergrad because I wanted to branch out and meet new people. I was afraid that if I stayed in VA, that my college friends would have also been my high school friends. And the reason why I chose to leave Texas is because I again wanted to get out and do something new. It’s easy to get trapped in a place. I mean UT is a great school, I had great friends, I knew the area very well, and I loved the city. The longer I stayed there the more comfortable I would have become and not wanted to move. Not that there is anything wrong with TX, but I am an East Coast girl.

 

So hear I am, in FL, trying to start the next chapter of my life but I’m being held back by my own apprehensions and fears. So what do I do. Well, first off I have decided to admit to myself that I am scared shitless and that I am not ok. But I also know that as with most things, it will get better with time. So although I am not ok at the moment, I know that eventually I will be.

 

And So It Begins…

So after much anticipation and eagerness, I have begun my grad school journey. All day today I was pacing and trying to pass the time until my very first class. It didn’t help that the class doesn’t start until 6p so I had a lot of time on my hands.

 

It felt like my very first day of high school. I don’t think my first day of college was as nerve-racking. But I could not keep from wondering what it would be like. Would the professor lecture the entire time? Would my classmates be a bunch of scholarly professionals? Would the professor lay down the law at the beginning of class setting the tone for the semester? What should I wear? Instead I walked into the classroom and felt like I was back in undergrad. Not back in freshman year undergrad, but upper division undergrad where many of the people in my class were in their mid to late 20s and there were even a few grandmothers, literally! But Instead I felt like I was in another upper division Communications course.

 

It was a relief to see that not much is different, but I’m sure I will be eating my words tomorrow when I embark on my History course.

 

Moments to Live For

As of late, I have found myself constantly counting down to something or wishing time would speed up. Wishing I could wake up and it would be August. Hoping the semester goes by quickly. Counting down until Christmas. Counting down until May when I will be halfway through my program. Forever counting down to something and then finding something else to count down to. All this counting down has caused me to lose sight of the present.

 

I remember in a class I had where one of the students did a project where she got input from people on reasons to live or things to live for. It made me think of my own moments that have made life worth living for. So I decided I would jot some of them down here. Enjoy 🙂

 

The feeling of cool bed sheets.

The calmness of the early morning.

Laughing so hard you snort, cry, and your abs are sore.

Making eye contact with your special someone from across the room.

The awkward moment before a first kiss.

The joy of Christmas morning.

A night on the town with my girls.

Drunk texts from your crazy best friends.

Riding the DC metro while listening to my ipod.

Going home.

The taste of REAL southern sweet tea.

Seeing an item you’ve been wanting on sale!

Driving at night with all of the windows down.

The smell and sound of the ocean.

Witnessing a miracle.

Puppies

The unconditional love of my dogs.

Conquering your fears.

Using a GRE word in a sentence correctly.

The smell of fall.

Watching the snow fall.

Driving through the back roads of Virginia in the middle of October when the all the leaves are changing colors.

Inside jokes.

Successfully cooking something you’ve never made before.

Times Square at night.

UT football games.

The feeling of sand between your toes.

Experiencing something new.

Calm silence.

Catching lightning bugs in the summer.

Movie nights with my brother.

Game nights with my family.

Fresh baguettes.

Deep and intimate conversations.

Walking through the streets of Paris and hearing an impromptu concert by a violinist.

The excitement of traveling to a different country.

Chocolate covered strawberries.

Long runs.

Massages.

The smell of rain.

A good cry.

The smell of lavender and vanilla.

Waking up to the smell of fresh baked cinnamon rolls.

Finding a passage in the Bible that speaks to you and tugs at your heart.

Movies with happy endings.

Seeing a shooting star.

Seeing a solar/lunar eclipse.

Making a bucket list and checking off things as you do them.

Snuggling up in a blanket fresh out of the dryer.

Knowing that you mean something to somebody.

 

LDR’s

LDR=Long Distance Relationship (for those that don’t know). In any case, today is the official Day 1 of me being in a LDR, although I kicked it off last night by consuming a bottle of wine, visiting an upstairs neighbor and watching Titanic, then taking a trip to a 24-hr diner followed by my passing out as soon as I got home. To make matters worse, my best friend who would normally be here to console or drink with me left this week as well. Talk about terrible timing. Anywho, as soon as she left I quickly sent her a text seeking moral support. She was very positive in her outlook and suggested that I pick up a hobby. It was a great idea. I haven’t had anything to do really since returning from London and have several weeks until I move to FL. So why not find something to distract me. So what would I do?

 

Well me not being able to think of anything other than reading or knitting (which is not my strong point and there’s no point of knitting a sweater when it’s 90º outside) I went to the source of all answers. Bing.com and typed in hobbies. It sounds pretty ridiculous but I needed ideas. Next thing I knew I found myself on a website talking about bucket lists. I too have made a bucket list, but none of them are things I can do right now. But as I looked through the list that included such things as Running with the Bulls and having dinner with a celebrity, there was one that stood out to me. Learn another language. I have always wanted to learn another language, in particular Spanish. I took 3 years in high school and 3 semesters in college and can probably only hold a conversation with a 4 year old. They say that the best way to learn another language is just to immerse your self in a country that speaks it primarily, but with my lack of funds to book a ticket to South America, I chose the second best option. Rosetta Stone.

 

I’ve seen plenty of infomercials and encountered the resellers in mall kiosks and have heard nothing but good things from people that have used it. So I decided to look into it and go for it. After deciding that I didn’t want to order it online and wait for it to be delivered, I called local Border’s to see if they have the version that I wanted. None of them had the levels I wanted, but one store did have the next set, so I went ahead and purchased it.

 

After about two hours and only now beginning Lesson 3 of Unit 1 of Disc 1 of Level 1. I purchased three levels. Level 1 has 3 units and each unit has about 4 of 5 lessons. Needless to say, I will be occupied. And I have to say, if I do learn Spanish fairly fluently, I may never speak English again.

 

I have no idea how long this will keep me occupied or how long I will keep up with it. Actually, scratch that, for the amount of money I cost I will keep up with it. However, even if this LDR doesn’t work out how I hope it will, at least I will have learned a second language out of it. 🙂

 

Friendship

“Don’t pity the girl with one true friend. Envy her. Pity the girl with just a thousand acquaintances.” –Katie Obenchain


I came across this quote while I was in a bit of a funk, and I think it really describes my life. I’ve always had very few true friends (I like it that way). I think this has a lot to do with being a military child and watching my friends come and go every few years so I cherished the ones that were always there for me. Then after a really bad betrayal by one of my best friends in high school, I found myself having more acquaintences for some time because of the lack of trust I had for people. However since being in school I have since regained some very close friends who I consider my sisters, both of which I have known since middle school. But then I started thinking about the true friends that I had gained since being in college. At first I wasn’t sure if I had any because I had found a way to isolate myself while being here. I’m not saying that I was a hermit and didn’t talk to anyone on campus, I am involved in various orgs on campus, but I have managed to keep my personal life fairly hidden. I think a lot of this has to do with being an out-of-state student with the idea that I was only going to be here for four years and then I’d leave. That was my intention. But then I realized that I have made quite a few life long friends since I’ve been here. I’m not saying 20, 30, or even 40. Actually less than 10 who I would consider true, ride-or-die, hold my hair while I’m puking, bail me out of jail friends. And I like it that way.


I like being able to call up Courtney right after class to make a trip to Pappadeaux’s for crawfish or Jasmine at 2a to make an “emergency” trip. Or call Joe or Victoria crying about my latest relationship drama. Or have Sam carry me home because I have underestimated the effects of the screwdriver I drank. And I love the fact that I still have such an amazing friendship with my very first roommate Muneezeh and she can answer any question I have ranging from fashion to politics


They have all been there for me when I needed them most and for that I am eternally grateful to have such QUALITY friends.